Blog Post 35.
Feeling secure in the world.
Abroad did not change me. But it did allow me to meet more of who I am in the face of uncertainty, in the face of loneliness and in the occasional face of boredom. It gave to me new places and people to love. And it provided yet another opportunity to reaffirm that everything is- and will be- okay.
I am small.
I am strong.
I am secure in this world.
Existing in an unfamiliar place until it became home was good for me. I realized I can move the world without being an imposition on it. I can be scared and happy at the same time. From the experience, I think I got a lot of what your supposed to get from it. I tried to get more, too, and I think I succeeded in some ways.
I believe that there is no one world (or one way to define such a thing). Rather, there are billions of worlds, all existing up against one another. If I ever finish that book I’ve been working on, there is a whole section that explains this relativistic notion that helps me find my place every day and better understand the places of others. I write to you from the perspective of my world which is completely distinct from- though in contact with- your world.
Being abroad reminded me of how special this world is. Of how easily it may interact with other worlds and of how influential it can (or cannot) be in shaping itself and others. It reminded me that I am at the center of my universe because my universe is perceived outward from me (please excuse my solipsistic tone there- but I think you understand the sentiment I’m attempting to convey).
Living in Spain helped me to realize many things. To summate, I’ll say that in life there is goodness and there is badness (within a range in either case, of course). My life has shown me that, more often than not, it is the goodness that is permanent and, more often than not, it is the badness that is temporary. And, almost always, I have the power to decide how the goodness and the badness, though oftentimes forced upon me, play out in my life. This gives me a gentle strength and a powerful security as I tow along the rope of time.
Esta pagina será la última de reflexión aunque sé que nunca me voy a dejar de reflejar sobre la experiencia que vivía yo en Europa. Mucha de la reflexión no se puede manifestar en palabras y mucha de ella no he realizado todavía. Siempre pienso en los momentos en Cádiz desde una perspectiva nueva. Sin embargo, una que me pone sentir segura.
Kulani Sol 